alright, hope everyone had a nice christmas and have a happy new year!
have been working on 24th with florence and stayed in my boss's home for christmas that is not i want for christmas and i just don't like it
i just don't understand why we have to work for them while i should be having a nice lonely christmas in mezzino and staying in bed whole day! working in the shop is my job, but my 30pounds salary doesnt include playing with her daughter! i dont mind playing with her and tolorate her f*cking attitude if they are going to pay me more
why should i play with you on 25th? why?!
we've been working and we are seriously damn tired
what's wrong with us for sleeping till 2/3pm on a holiday?!
why she and her parents think that it's our fault for not playing with her?
and why she is always good, pretty and right while behaviour is ridiculously weird (i dont even know what i am saying)
i just dont understand how on earth my boss think that me and her daughter look alike!
seriously i hate that i hate that!
she got small eyes, bad temper, short, and dark!
and when i hear from jojo that my boss said me and her daughter look like sisters i really want to kill myself, without any reason (or maybe i should kill her instead)
i really cant stand this and i just want to quit,
yes i know i sucks, all i know what to do is just escape from everything
mom and dad told me about that after the release of HKCEE results that is my nature
not that i dont want to change, i've tried, but failed, and tried
and again, failed
i just dont like this
i start to hate myself
somethimes i wonder what life would be if everything went normal 20 years ago
think i would be a happy bitch being spoiled by my parents and become as "undingable" as my boss's daughter my life is too smooth, i got everything i deserve and i even get more beyond what i should have
i am being loved by my parents and frds, and what's more i could ask for?
why am i still complaining and being that bitchy?
i hate myself for being like that
i hate myself for not being considerate and not doing things constructive
i hate to put on a smile and pretend to be happy all the time
i hate to tell lies chrsitmas is a time to love
but at this moment i am filled with anger, sadness and contradiction
dont ask me why coz i cant answer you
i am 20 and becoming 21 next june,
and i still have no idea of what i am doing
i have no idea of what i want to become
i am lost
i lost my dream and lost myself
i have no idea of what i want to become
there's so many times that i started the line with the word "I"
at this moment i am still a kid, "I" is more important that everything
"I" am not as considerate as "I" thought you will say
pray and god will guide you i'm sorry, i cant
now i cant even put god in front of me
i see myself too important
it's been a while that i feel myself walking away from god
can YOU bring me back?
i questioned
i thougth i could recover and back to normal, just i need some time
but it've been too long
not only for me but for everyone
there's no pressure, but what am i escaping from?
what is that damn thing that's pulling my down this has to end please
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